the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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