At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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