and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
