Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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