Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
