My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
