You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
