Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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