I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
