Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
