Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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