Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
