my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
