I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
