guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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