If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
one two three fourrrrnication!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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