He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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