I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
