Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
