I accidentally had phone sex last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
