I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
