his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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