Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize