Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
