I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
