Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
