we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
