I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
