i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
