It's Friday. Sex?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
