i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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