I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
