Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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