Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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