Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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