God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
