dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
