How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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