i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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