Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
