am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
