I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life is so much better after having sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
two words...techno handjob
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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