it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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