Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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