Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
