What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need water and some morals
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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