Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
