if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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