I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
