i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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