the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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