Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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