So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
