He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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