Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
