your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this just has baby written all over it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
