Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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