i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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