2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
