Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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