That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
