new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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